Small Moments
by nemo1934
Summary: Little moments between characters. Mostly Stan/Kyle.
1. Computer

**Computer**

I came into the library, where Stan was sitting at a computer. He looked over as I approached.

"Hey," he said expressionlessly, turning back to his Word doc.

I stood behind him. "What are you working on?" Putting my fingers in his hair and caressing. He flinched a little.

"A paper," he said.

The fingers of my right hand brushed along the back of his ear as my hands moved down so they could squeeze his shoulders once or twice. This time he didn't flinch.

"Hm," I said, then dropped my hands down to the sides of his arms, to squeeze once. Then I sat down next to him.

It's important to show affection for the ones you love.


	2. Young Americans

**Young Americans**

After a few beers it was easier to convince Stan to dance. Kyle put Young Americans by David Bowie, one of those many albums they'd just discovered separately but somehow simultaneously, in his room's CD player (actually his dad's from ten years ago). Stan was deliberately awkward at first, but Kyle just danced and smiled at him.

They were no great dancers, but once Stan started smiling too that didn't matter. They could close their eyes and wobble around, pumping their arms kind of like babies. They both knew the music, so they could suddenly open their eyes and give each other wide-eyed grins, pointing at the stereo in anticipation of a particularly awesome or stupid moment. They could sing along as they gyrated around the room.

By the end of the first song they were dancing a little closer. As the second, slower one began, they opened their eyes and looked each other for a second, grinning euphorically from singing along and laughing. Suddenly Kyle reached out, put his hand behind Stan's head, and quickly pulled him in for a kiss. As soon as their lips touched, Stan pulled back in horror.

"Ah! What?!" he said.

"Oh come on, don't be like that," Kyle said, unconcerned.

"No!"

"Stan, who cares," Kyle told him.

Unconfidently, Stan swayed to the music.

David sang huskily, "Slow down, let someone love you..." "See?" Kyle said, repeating the line.

They drifted closer again, so slowly they hardly noticed when their bodies touched. Stan's hand settled on Kyle's side, while Kyle's came up around Stan's back to rest on his shoulder. They swayed together now, slowly. Kyle sighed into the crook of Stan's neck. "Fascination" began, and Kyle kissed Stan's skin for the first time in their lives.

During that song they danced separately again, and the smiles came back. "Come on come on come on come on," they mouthed urgently with Bowie. It was getting hot, so Kyle toon off his pants. Stan reached over and hit the lights, so there was just the moonlight coming around the curtain.

At "Right" they got close again. Stan had taken his pants and shirt off, so Kyle wiggled out of his Led Zep tee. He kissed Stan's neck and ear, while Stan's lips ghosted nervously over his flesh.

When "Somebody Up There Likes Me" came on, Stan said, "God, I love this song."

"David seriously should've began gay," Kyle said.

He felt Stan smile though he couldn't see it.

He could also feel Stan's gently-curved hard on through his briefs. He couldn't help moaning into Stan's shoulder, though he was fearing his mom might come in at any moment to complain about the volume of the music. She would definitely not be cool with this. Trying to put that thought out of mind, he pulled away for a second to look Stan in the eyes. Stan had a slight smile. As "Across the Universe" began, they shared their first real kiss. He felt Stan's tongue run across his bottom lip, and opened his mouth for him. It was too difficult for the inexperienced kissers to make out while dancing, so they stood still, hard ons touching, separated by two thin layers of cotton. Kyle had never been so turned on, and he'd never imagined holding another's body could feel so good.

Why had he always been alone till now?

Because he only loved Stan.

"Can You Hear Me," the album's most beautiful song, deepened their kiss. Kyle's overconfidence from the first track had vanished; now he felt fragile-but Stan was too, so it was okay.

As "Fame" started, they gently lay down on top of each other on Kyle's bed, continuing their kiss. However this night affected their friendship, Kyle was happy and expected only the best.


	3. How He Talked

**How He Talked**

I hesitated.

Kenny looked annoyed. "Ask, dammit."

"Are you thinking of killing yourself?"

He scowled. "You just _had_ to ask." He laughed. "No," he answered. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," I corrected.

"No, I'm not."

Still lacking a straight answer, I repeated, "Are you thinking of killing yourself?"

"No," he said.

I sighed in relief and looked down at my lap for a second. When I looked up, Kenny was biting his lip and looking away.

"It just seems like you've given up on everything," I told him. "Tuned out."

"Well. Why shouldn't I?" Kenny asked. "What reason do I have to go to class? Talk to people? Make friends? Get out of bed in the morning? What's in it for me? ...No, there are things in it for me. I get to listen to music. I like walking around and seeing everything. I like the world, just not actions in it. The things you have to do. They're all uninteresting, inconvenient..."

That was how he talked, toward the end.


	4. Cartman the Bully

**Cartman the Bully**

Other than his brain, Cartman was an unremarkable kid before he became a bully.

One day in first grade, he and I were sitting on a log at the edge of the playground, talking.

"Hey, kid!" someone said.

At first Cartman didn't know he was being addressed.

"Hey!" the voice insisted.

Cartman and I looked over. A second grader towered over us, hands on his hips. We both recognized him: he was a bully named Justin. I blanched and pulled the strings on my hood.

"What are you doing?" Justin asked the two of us mockingly.

Cartman spoke for both of us, talking like Justin was any other kid. "Just chatting. What about you? What are you up to?"

"Talking to you," the bully said, still mockingly, but with a bit of uncertainty; first graders never talked back.

Cartman laughed like Justin had made a joke. Then he said, "Well what's up, why'd you come over?"

Justin got down to business. "Cause I don't like you."

"You don't like me?" Cartman asked innocently. "Or Kenny?"

Unsure how to respond, Justin pointed at me. "I don't like _you_," he clarified.

"Sorry," I said, on the verge of tears.

A small crowd was beginning to gather.

"Ah, Kenny's really cool," Cartman said, putting a hand on my knee. I'm sure my expression couldn't communicate my extreme gratitude.

"What's so cool about him?" Hate was just dripping from Justin's voice.

Cartman tried to think quickly. Why did he like me? "His dad drinks and predicts the weather," he said. The kids in the crowd laughed and someone said, "What?!" I'm sure my expression couldn't communicate my extreme embarassment.

"That sucks..." Justin hesitated while trying to think of what exactly it sucked. "That sucks dead donkey dicks," he finished. The crowd laughed again. Emboldened, Justin looked at Cartman. "I don't like _you _either!"

Suddenly Cartman got angry. "Well get outta here! You come over here and start bothering us, we ain't said a word to you? Get outta here, you dick!"

The crowd yelled and Justin got a furious look on his pig face. He leaned over to shove Cartman off the log, but Cartman was ready. He grabbed Justin's arms and pulled him backwards over the log with him. They fell on top of each other, and I guess a knot on the log snagged Justin's crotch. He yelped.

"Get offa me, you perv," Cartman yelled, rolling Justin off him and leaping up. "Homo!" He just barely stopped his foot from kicking the pathetic figure rolling on the ground, going "Ow, ow, ow-h-ow"; Cartman was a merciful god. I watched, aghast, from the edge of the log, while the crowd looked on in amazement. Cartman rolled the attention and power around his grinning mouth, savoring the flavor.

Then Justin started crying and someone yelled, "Go get Teacher!" But Teacher was already upon us.

"Eric Cartman!" she shouted. "What have you done?!"

* * *

Later that day Craig, who Cartman had never really talked to, stood by Cartman at the sink in the boy's bathroom and asked in his detached, nasal way, "I heard you and Justin got in a fight. What happened?" Craig's friend Clyde was at the urinal and looked over curiously.

"He started hassling me and Kenny, so I called him an asshole and he started crying," Cartman said.

"I'm gonna tell Teacher you said that!" Clyde shouted.

"I won't tell," Craig said admiringly. "I'll never tell."

"I was just kidding," Clyde said nervously, coming to wash his hands.

"Stan said you had a fight too," Craig prompted. "Stan said you hit his nuts."

"I did not his his nuts," Cartman said, annoyed. "This is the third time I've told this story since recess. I didn't touch that crybaby."

But word got around Cartman had kneed Justin in the nuts when no one could see. That eventually turned into the story that stuck for a week or so in gossip and stayed much longer in people's inaccurate memories: that Cartman had broken a stick off the log, threatened Justin with it, bashed him over the head, and _then_ jabbed him in the nuts. The boys half-admired, half-feared him for sticking it to a well-known bully, while the girls were unimpressed because what were nuts anyway. But what nobody could get over was the fact that Cartman swore. Some people said Cartman said the f-word.

Rather than earning him friends, all the gossip made people uncomfortable around him. Kids avoided him in the hall. If they had to talk to him, everyone was nervously polite, even me.

* * *

One morning after the Pledge of Allegiance, Teacher said to the class, "Let's get started, unless there are any morning announcements."

Cartman raised his hand.

"Yes, Eric?" Teacher said.

Cartman stood up. "I seem to have gotten a reputation for being a bully," he said. "But I like all of you. I'm a nice guy. If you come talk to me I won't beat you up. Come talk to me and we can hang out." He sat down.

While Teacher said, "Thank you, Eric," in a puzzled voice, Cartman caught a glimpse of Stan and Kyle exchanging an amused glance. That was what he wanted for himself. Everyone knew Stan and Kyle were best friends, but Cartman had never had one, and, being smarter than poor Justin, he knew deep down bullies didn't get them.

But it was too late to undo the damage done to his reputation with the parents, and Cartman's mom's reputation as the town whore couldn't help. Cartman spent most of his time alone after that, getting progressively meaner. I think that without knowing it Cartman was always trying to break up Stan and Kyle's friendship. Why he opted to hate Kyle for being a Jew and try to get Stan away, instead of the other way around, I don't know. His bullying got him in a lot of trouble later on, but we never quite renounced him as our friend.

Anyway, that's the story. If Justin hadn't arbitrarily chosen us to bother that day, Cartman might've been a very different person today.


	5. Hail

**Hail**

One day Kenny and I were walking in silence and it started to hail. Kenny laughed and I asked why.

"I like this hail," he said. "So silly."

"Silly?" That seemed like a weird word to apply to hail.

Kenny looked down at his thick jacket, smiling. The little hail was jumping off him. "Yeah, 'silly,' that's the right word for it," he said. "The natural world's fulla wonders. I seen hail the size of golfballs, but never little, jumpy hail like this." I watched him. "You see rain and snow pretty often, but seems like hail's a rarer occurrence. I like it."

The slightly stinging hail stopped and a moment later a curtain of drizzle came down. Then there was hail again. Kenny smiled. "The water's capricious and the hail's fulla energy, like a little kid."

"You're weird," I told him.

"Nah, I'm not weird. I'm as normal as a bug in your apple pie."


	6. Time Capsule

**Time Capsule**

At the end of ninth grade, they were supposed to make time capsules in Anthropology to show what was important to them. They'd open the capsules at their high school graduation. They were also supposed to pick a song to play before they presented the capsule to the class. They were supposed to analyze its connection to society. Ms. Elida gave them a month to work on their projects. She was secretly excited to see the results, since toward the middle of that year, one of the students, Kenny McCormick, had committed suicide.

Only one student met her secret hopes. Eric Cartman stood up before the class with a shoe box his mom had coated with newspaper clippings from that year. He put a CD in the stereo, skipped to the last track and hit play. It was Nirvana's "Where Did You Sleep Last Night." Some of the students found the song boring and looked around the room (brown panelling on the walls of the trailer, bright, spotted windows, posters about affirmative action and multi-culturalism...). Others made little self-conscious signs of recognition. Eric didn't humor those with comments or nods. He listened in silence, face getting more scrunched up in pain as the song unwound, until finally it looked like he might burst into tears.

When the song ended he unfolded a piece of paper from his pocket and read, "'I'm going where the cold wind blows: / in the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine / I would shiver the whole night through.' After a life of shivering, he"-Kurt Cobain, Ms. Elida figured-"was going to do some more someplace new. Did he hope some observant audience member would notice what he was saying, get the significance of the flowers, and alert someone? Was he praying someone would ask him, if only so he could say, 'Fuck you, I'm fine'? Did he hope someone would save him?"

Eric paused, then looked up and said, "I don't see why we have to connect this to society. I don't give a crap about them, they can do what they want." The class laughed. Ms. Elida felt a tingle of excitement. This would be hard to grade. Obviously something so personal deserved an A, but also Eric was openly deprecating the assignment. "As for what's in the box..." Eric said.

He dumped the box's contents onto the table. There wasn't much. "These are just some pictures of my friends, including one of Kenny," he said, holding up some Polaroids connected by a string. Ms. Elida craned her head to see. She recognized Stanley, Kenny, and Wendy but not the other two. "The only reason they're on a string is so they'd be easier to hold up for you guys." The class craned their heads too. "Although I guess if I were feeling really stupid I could wrap them around myself... like a necklace..." He tried to demonstrate and left them tied around him for a second so the class could get a good snicker. Then he said, "No," and took them off. "Anyway, I just thought it'd be cool to have pictures so four years from now we could say," (pointing at Stanley's picture, he shouted with a yokel accent) "'Holy hail! Is _that _wut Cousin Stan looked lahk four years ago?!'" The class laughed. Eric didn't, but he smiled.

"Anyway, what else is in here... Oh yeah." He lifted up a class pennant. "This is just a pennant for our class, the Class of 2010, because I love all you guys." He put that one down in a hurry. Then he stuffed the pictures, the pennant, and the paper into the box. He ejected his CD from the player. "That's that," he said, and took his seat amid a little applause.


	7. Excess Goo

**Excess Goo**

Dorm neighbors be damned; after Stan groaned in Kyle's ear he was cumming, he couldn't help moaning again and again, loud enough for everyone to hear. Sitting on Kyle like this always felt so fucking good. Meanwhile Kyle held him as he tried to keep his thrusting coordinated with his tugs on Stan's cock. Finally the clenching of Stan's muscles around him brought on his own orgasm. He muffled his moans against his boyfriend's chest, inhaling his scent as best he could. Stan gasped raggedly and Kyle felt him cum on his stomach.

They held each other as their breathing returned to normal, until Stan gave a sigh into Kyle's hair, as if making it official: orgasm over.

"Did you cum?" Stan asked.

"Yeah."

Stan laughed as he got up; his boyfriend was always so quiet. While Kyle dropped the condom in the trash, Stan used his underwear to mop up the cum on his boyfriend's stomach. This part of the process was always a little uncomfortable, especially the cold, wet fabric on Kyle's skin.

"You know, that's just proof to me of the evolutionary mistake of homosexuality," Kyle said, in his logical way.

"What do you mean?"

"When men have sex, there's excess goo," he said, meaning Stan's cum. "Like, that's supposed to _go _somewhere." He laughed, but he kind of meant it too.

"Oh, I know," Stan said, smiling, and tossed his soaked underwear across the room. "But what a glorious mistake it is."

Kyle had to grin as Stan lay down in his arms and snuggled into his chest.

He softly confided, "I like your excess goo."

Stan _hmm_d as if to say, _Duh._

Sometimes Kyle wondered if, as Stan pressed his ear to his chest like that, he could hear his heart a-flutterin'.


	8. Change

**Change**

"Sir," the few-teethed man on the bus said, "I'm hongry," and mumbled something.

Cartman would sympathetically empty his cashless wallet's coin purse and drop the coins in the man's hand and say, "I'm sorry, this is all I have." And the man would say, "Thank you, God bless you," and Cartman would seal his hands around the man's and say, "God bless _you_."

Then, surprisingly, the man would sit down in the empty seat next to Cartman, empty because as always in public Cartman couldn't help his fucking embarrassing gas problem, and they'd talk for a minute. Cartman would learn a few sad things about the man's background. Soon the time would be right for him to say politely, "Don't you want to collect more money? That can't be enough for you. How much is that, even?" They'd count the change.

Then the man would stand up and Cartman would touch his shoulder and say, "You're a child of God."

As the man moved down the bus soliciting other passengers, the people near Cartman would secretly resent this quietly self-righteous do-gooder, but Cartman would still feel a little pride.

What actually happened was this: Cartman didn't empty his cashless wallet's coin purse until a few minutes after the man had asked him for change and moved down the bus. By the time Cartman had the change in hand, the bus had stopped and the man had gotten off empty-handed.

Cartman thought, "God, what if I died tomorrow, and that was my last opportunity to help someone?"


	9. Disappointed

**Disappointed**

That night in bed Kyle read a chapter from Their Eyes Were Watching God out loud, pausing to get the dialogue just right. Stan lay there almost drifting off but for lightly stroking the back of his hand over Kyle's side. Truth be told Stan liked hearing Kyle read. They'd only started because Kyle couldn't sleep without reading something first, usually after any activity, including sex. But now the reading was a ritual. Whatever book Stan was working on, he'd hand over to his boyfriend at bedtime. It improved the book, _and _it felt unique to them.

That night when Kyle turned out the light, Stan turned on his side and felt Kyle press into his back. They would've fallen asleep soon if Stan hadn't've said, "Ah sho does love you, Kyle B."

"Mm." At first Stan wasn't sure Kyle would reciprocate. Then he felt him kiss his ear. "That's right nice uh you tuh say," Kyle murmured, and moved up to kiss Stan's hair. "Ah reckon Ah loves you too." (Of course Stan's non-English majoring boyfriend would be better than him at dialogue.)

Stan turned his head and caught Kyle's lips. They kissed tenderly for a moment, but once Stan turned over to face Kyle, their kissing quickly turned to passionate making out. Kyle pushed Stan onto his back and straddled him, kissing downward from his lips to his chin to his neck. He started sucking the skin there; it seemed like he was always leaving marks on Stan's body.

"Lower," Stan sighed.

Kyle kissed down to his chest.

"No, no, I mean if you're gonna give me a hickey, do it lower so I can cover it up."

So Kyle did just that, sucking and biting near Stan's collarbone and earning a few whimpers and quiet moans. Those he could feel vibrating beneath Stan's skin.

When Kyle moved down and took Stan's cock in his mouth, Stan let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Kyle suckled on the head and swirled his tongue around the tip. Suddenly-way too soon-Stan started to feel that warm pull in the pit of his stomach.

"I'm gonna come," he warned breathlessly.

Kyle hesitated; Stan never came this fast. He couldn't even savor the taste! But once he composed himself he took Stan as far as he could into his mouth. A moment later Stan felt a disappointingly small and quick orgasm overcome his body. He gave one quiet moan. Sensitive to Stan's unusual quietness, Kyle also noticed he came less than usual.

Once he had swallowed and Stan's dick had started to soften, Kyle said, "Why'd you come so fast?"

"I don't know, I just couldn't help it. I just... I just couldn't help it."

Kyle lay back down next to his boyfriend.

"Probably because we just did it earlier," Stan explained.

"It's okay, that happens," Kyle mumbled, feeling a little sleepy. He gave Stan a light kiss.

Stan smiled flirtatiously although his boyfriend's eyes were closed. "Do you want me to reciprocate?" he asked, running his knuckles along Kyle's jaw.

"No, that's okay."

"Are you disappointed?" Stan asked immediately, feeling worried.

Kyle opened his eyes. "Yeah, a little, but I mean. Like you said, we had sex earlier, so." He closed them again. "We should actually go to sleep. It's late."

Donning his flirtatious smile again, Stan whispered, "So. You don't want me to suck your cock, put my finger in your ass the way you like, let you come in my mouth."

"I'm not even hard. Feel."

Glad Kyle was playing along, Stan grinned and felt for his erection in his boxers. But then he felt crestfallen and disappointed in himself. "You're actually not," he said.

"Mm. Let's just go to bed, babe. I'm not disappointed. I love you."

Stan didn't need Kyle to be disappointed, he was disappointed himself. "Love you too," he said, turning to face the wall.


	10. Phone Call

**Phone Call**

One day in his apartment Kyle got a call from Token.

"Oh hey dude, I was thinking about you earlier," he answered, smiling.

"Hey. So I just got off the phone with Craig. Stan killed himself."

"What?"

"Yeah. Stan's dead." He seemed to be trying out new words.

"Oh my god," Kyle said.

"I know."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I heard from Craig, who heard from Butters, who's pretty near the home front. I mean, he lives right next to Stan's mom."

They didn't say anything for a second. Then Kyle said,

"I'm gonna go now."

"Okay. Let's talk later."

Kyle hung up and sat there on his bed and didn't move for a long time. Later he had to call Stan's mom.


	11. Email

**Email**

The way Kenny knew about Stan was when his email pinged back, saying that address was no longer active. They'd been exchanging emails for a few months, using Stan's work address, but Kenny had taken a long time answering this one. Stan had seemed down some and Kenny had worried, but not like this.

He still couldn't talk to anyone from South Park, so he vented his suspicion to his housemate Roger.

"Well, you said he was a professor somewhere, right?" Roger asked.

"An assistant professor. And yeah, at..." He gave him the name of the college.

Roger, thinking Kenny was kind of dumb for not trying this already, typed the college's name, then "professor suicide" into Google. Kenny looked away.

"Here's one from a week ago," Roger said, pulling up the article from the school paper.

Kenny read the first line, then said, "Oh my god," and hid his face.

Roger took in the whole thing in a second. Basic information, survived by, counselling center... "Pretty typical article, really," he said.

**Thanks to Layra, who reviews as a guest. I appreciate your responses.**

**Sorry these last two chapters have been a little depressing...**


	12. Boyness

**Boyness**

One of the first times Stan and Kyle went to bed as lovers, Kyle lay on top of Stan and looked into his face. Stan couldn't help looking away-but that seemed awkward so he looked back. Then he couldn't help closing his eyes to make everything go away-but that might make him look uglier so he opened his eyes again. Kyle was still smiling serenely, a little amused.

Then Kyle said, "God, you're beautiful," and started playing with Stan's hair.

"Really?" Stan asked incredulously. He mustered up some courage and asked what was on his mind, painfully aware it might turn Kyle off: "You don't care about the acne and all?"

"No," Kyle said, resting three fingers experimentally on Stan's bottom lip. "It doesn't matter that you're beautiful like that. You're a boy. I want all your boyness. I'm curious."

That wasn't exactly reassuring, but Stan felt a bit of heat in his stomach. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"You're beautiful because you're Stan, and a boy."

He wanted to ask, "So you don't mind it?" but now didn't have the courage. He didn't really understand what Kyle meant. He just kissed him so he'd get those eyes closed.


	13. Last Week on Campus

**Last Week on Campus**

After teaching Queer Theory for the second-to-last time, Stan locked the classroom door and made his way across campus to his car. The sun was out and melting the snow. Students were walking around in light jackets. He brought out his iPod and put on The White Album.

But during a break between songs something distracted him. As soon as he had paused the album and pulled out his earbuds, he realized music wasn't what he wanted to hear right now. Instead, he listened to real life. The sound that had distracted him was like rain. It was snowmelt dripping off a roof somewhere. He tracked down the source and just stood there looking and listening. The water fell off the Campus Center roof into a bed of shivering, green plants, and there was so much of it, it sounded like localized rainfall.

Students walked by him as he stood there watching. As if to excuse his own eccentric behavior, Stan thought, "If this is my last week on campus, I ought to enjoy my surroundings." He imagined that if another member of the faculty recognized him here and asked what he was doing, he'd answer, "I'm getting the most out of my college experience." The other teacher would laugh, sort of, and wonder briefly if he should make some agreeable comment or just leave him to it. Also he imagined a response to the kids walking by who might judge him: "So doing what I feel like makes me a weirdo? Betchya didn't write that in your college essay, didjya?"

Stan looked for a while and then moved on, without putting his music back on. He was looking around at the campus, trying to silent his mind. But he couldn't help thinking maybe he should've taught Theology instead of Queer Theory.


	14. Un Sogno nel Cassetto

**Un Sogno nel Cassetto**

The last time Cartman saw Stan was at a party at Token's old house in South Park. It'd been a while. Both were drinking beer.

"How's it going?" Cartman asked.

"Good," Stan said happily. "I'm retired now."

Cartman laughed.

"No, you know," Stan said, then paused. "Shit, shit, shit, then back home." He smiled.

"And what about the future? More shit?" Cartman asked, allowing the conversation to go where it wanted under the guise of small-talk.

"I don't think about it."

"Oh come on." Cartman took a drink.

"Mm. Well, the Italians say, _Un sogno nel cassetto_: 'a dream in your drawer.' I keep my whole future locked away in a drawer."

"Interesting. And when do you take it out and look at it?"

Stan grinned a little slyly, like, _Who knows? _Then he asked, "Is Kyle here?"

**Thanks to readers and reviewers. Just like the website says, I really would like to thank you for your continued support.**


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